More From The Hobby-Master

Oh yeah, did I mention that although I "had it all figured out", I was a terrible husband...
Probably not.

This is the worst part of the story.

Behind the facade of The Biblical Scholar, was lurking a self-centered, jealous, verbally abusive ass.

And my wife bore the full burden of my true inept, insecure, self-hating, doubting self.

I made her my center.

She was responsible for (I made her responsible for)

my intimacy

my affirmation

my happiness

my protection from critics

blah, blah, blah...

(she should have killed me in my sleep).

I grew up in a family with a great father-provider..., who was absent, even when present.
No affirmation or interaction. (Hey, boys need that almost more than air! See John Eldridge's book Wild At Heart.) I needed my dad, and he was not there for me. So I grew up pretty much looking around to find my identity and found it in how others viewed me.
(I must say, at this juncture that my father is now the father I wished for. He is loving, kind, affirming and deeply...DEEPLY in love with Jesus. (True conversion!! Maybe the fodder for another post sometime.))

I met a beautiful girl, and she showed me attention, and believed in me, and I abused her love and trust to the end. And I mean to the end!

I made her responsible for fulfilling a level of intimacy only found with God.

I was really screwed up.

I still am, to a large degree.

I will share my way out in a near-future post.

(For those of you who have been asking, this is the shocking change two years ago.)

I was blessed today to listen to a CD given to me by a close friend.
It spoke of evangelism and how we put way too much pressure on ourselves for the outcome of evangelism. (If you are interested, send me a note & I will give you the info.)
The speaker also told of a false analogy of evangelism being a "former beggar telling other present beggars where to find bread".
He corrected this analogy with "a present beggar telling other present beggars where to find bread".
We are still beggars in need of the bread of God's grace.
Freely given, freely received.
Blessed be His Name.